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Sunan an-Nasa'iThe Book of Divorce

This is your father, and this your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand

Chapter: When One Parent Becomes Muslim, And The Child Is Given The Choice

Authentic 3 scholars’ grades Sunan an-Nasa'i 3496

Narrator:Abu Hurayrah

أَخْبَرَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ الأَعْلَى، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا خَالِدٌ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ جُرَيْجٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي زِيَادٌ، عَنْ هِلاَلِ بْنِ أُسَامَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي مَيْمُونَةَ، قَالَ بَيْنَا أَنَا عِنْدَ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، فَقَالَ إِنَّ امْرَأَةً جَاءَتْ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَتْ فَدَاكَ أَبِي وَأُمِّي إِنَّ زَوْجِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ بِابْنِي وَقَدْ نَفَعَنِي وَسَقَانِي مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبَةَ ‏.‏ فَجَاءَ زَوْجُهَا وَقَالَ مَنْ يُخَاصِمُنِي فِي ابْنِي فَقَالَ ‏"‏

يَا غُلاَمُ هَذَا أَبُوكَ وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ فَأَخَذَ بِيَدِ أُمِّهِ فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ ‏.‏

Abu Maymūnah Salma, who was a truthful man and a freed slave from among the people of Madīnah, reported: While I was sitting with Abu Hurayrah, a Persian woman came to him along with a son of hers. She had been divorced by her husband, and they both (the father and mother) claimed him. She said: "O Abu Hurayrah," speaking to him in Persian, "my husband wants to take my son away." So Abu Hurayrah said: "Draw lots on this," saying it to her in Persian. Then her husband came and said: "Who is disputing with me regarding my son?" Abu Hurayrah said: "O Allah, I do not say this, except that I heard a woman who came to the Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) while I was sitting with him, and she said: ‘My husband wants to take away my son, Messenger of Allah, and my son draws water for me from the well of Abu ‘Inabah, and he has been helpful to me.’ The Messenger of Allah (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: ‘Cast lots for him.’ Her husband said: ‘Who is disputing my son with me?’ The Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him) said: ‘This is your father, and this your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand.’ So he took his mother's hand, and she went away with him.'"

Reported by An-Nasa’i (No. 3496), Abu Dawud (No. 2277) and Ad-Darimi (No. 2191).

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Explanation

This Hadīth indicates the obligation of realizing the child's interest. A woman was separated from her husband and kept the child with her. It was as if something occurred that prevented the woman from keeping the child in her custody, despite of her need for him and of his need for her care and protection, something that the father could not provide. In response to this case, Abu Hurayrah narrated what he had heard from the Prophet (may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him). Custody is a kind of guardianship that is meant to raise the child and fulfill his interests. Before the age of discernment, the child remains with his mother unless she gets married. If the child attains the age of discernment and is capable of managing some of his affairs independently and does not need external help in many things, then the mother and the father have equal rights to the child's custody. The child is then given the choice of joining either of them.

Explanation in Arabic

في هذا الحديث بيان وجوب تحقيق مصالح الطفل؛ وذلك أن هذه المرأة قد فارقت زوجها وبقي معها الطفل، وكأنه قد صار منها مانع يمنع استمرار الطفل في حضانتها مع حاجتها له، وهو أيضًا يحتاج إلى رعايتها وحفظها مع عدم قدرة الوالد عل فعل ذلك، فأخبر حينئذ أبو هريرة بما سمعه من النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم في حق مثل هذه المرأة، فإنَّ الحضانة ولاية يقصد بها تربية الطفل، والقيام بمصالحه، فالصبي قبل سن التمييز يكون عند أمه، ما لم تتزوج، فإذا بلغ سن التمييز، واستقلَّ ببعض شئونه، وصار يستغني بنفسه في كثير من الأمور فحينئذٍ يستوي حق الأم والأب في حضانته؛ فيخير بين أبيه وأمه، فأيُهما ذهب إليه أخذه.

  • أن الصبي بعد استغنائه بنفسه يخير بين الأم والأب.
  • أنه إذا تنازع الأب والأم في ابن لهما كان الواجب هو تخييره فمن اختاره ذهب به، وهو اختيار اللجنة الدائمة.
  • أن القرعة طريق شرعية عند تساوي الأمرين وأنه يجوز الرجوع إليها كما يجوز الرجوع إلى التخيير.
  • أن المدعي يمكنه إبداء الأسباب الموجبة لكونه محقًا.
  • أن التمييز لا يشترط له سن؛ لأنه هنا عُلِّق بفهم الطفل واختياره.
  • جواز تكلم المرأة مع من ليس من محارمها للحاجة بدون خضوع.

Classical commentary

Al-Sindi — Hashiyat al-Sindi on Sunan al-Nasa'i

قَوْلُهُ ( مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبَة ) بِكَسْرِ الْعَيْن وَفَتْح النُّون أَظْهَرَتْ حَاجَتَهَا إِلَى الْوَلَدِ وَلَعَلَّ مَحِلّ الْحَدِيث بَعْد الْحَضَانَة مَعَ ظُهُور حَاجَة الْأُمِّ إِلَى الْوَلَد وَاسْتِغْنَاء الْأَب عَنْهُ مَعَ عَدَم إِرَادَته إِصْلَاحَ الْوَلَد وَاَللَّه تَعَالَى أَعْلَمُ.…

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Scholars’ grades

ScholarGradeApplies toWork
Al-Albanid. 1420 AH AuthenticSahih صحيح The hadith No. 3496
Zubair Ali Zaid. 1435 AH Authentic chainIsnaad Sahih The chain only No. 3496
Abd al-Fattah Abu Ghuddahd. 1417 AH AuthenticSahih The hadith No. 3496
Grades of other versions (5)
  • AuthenticAl-Albani صحيح — صحيح الجامع (7959)
  • Authentic chainAl-Hakim صحيح الإسناد — المستدرك على الصحيحين (7234)
  • Authentic chainIbn Baz إسناده صحيح — حاشية بلوغ المرام لابن باز (646)
  • Authentic chainIbn Baz إسناده صحيح — مجموع الشروح الفقهية. (310/28)
  • ابن المنذر أحسن شيء روي في هذا الباب — الأوسط لابن المنذر (9/90)

Other versions

Authentic Sunan Abu Dawud 2277

While I was sitting with AbuHurayrah, a Persian woman came to him along with a son of hers. She had been divorced by her husband and they both claimed him. She said: AbuHurayrah, speaking to him in Persian, my husband wishes to take my son away. AbuHurayrah said: Cast lots for him, saying it to her…

هَذَا أَبُوكَ وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ‏"‏ ‏.‏ فَأَخَذَ بِيَدِ أُمِّهِ فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Not graded Bulugh al-Maram 1152

A woman said, "O Allah's Messenger, my husband wants to take away my son, while he has benefited me and provided me with drinking water from the well of Abu 'Inabah." Then her husband came and the Prophet (ﷺ) said: "Young man, this is your father and this is your mother, so take whoever of them you…

"يَا غُلَامُ! هَذَا أَبُوكَ وَهَذِهِ 2‏ أُمُّكَ, فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيُّهُمَا شِئْتَ"

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Not graded Mishkat al-Masabih 3380

He told of a woman who came to God's Messenger and said, “My husband wants to take away my son, and he has provided drink and other benefits for me.” The Prophet said, “This is your father and this is your mother, so take whichever of them you wish by the hand.” He took his mother’s hand and she…

وَعنهُ قَالَ: جَاءَتِ امْرَأَةٌ إِلَى رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فَقَالَتْ: إِنَّ زَوْجِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ بِابْنِي وَقَدْ سَقَانِي وَنَفَعَنِي فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ…

Not graded Mishkat al-Masabih 3381

While I was sitting with Abu Huraira a Persian woman came, to him along with a son of hers. She had been divorced by her husband and they both claimed him. She addressed him in foreign speech telling him that her husband wished to take her son away, and Abu Huraira told them to cast lots for him…

عَنْ هِلَالِ بْنِ أُسَامَةَ عَنْ أَبِي مَيْمُونَةَ سُلَيْمَانَ مَوْلًى لِأَهْلِ الْمَدِينَةِ قَالَ: بَيْنَمَا أَنَا جَالِسٌ مَعَ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ جَاءَتْهُ امْرَأَةٌ فَارِسِيَّةٌ مَعَهَا ابْنٌ لَهَا وَقَدْ طَلَّقَهَا…

Also reported by… (6)
  • السنن الصغير للبيهقي (1340)زَوْجِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ بِوَلَدِي ، وَقَدْ نَفَعَنِي وَسَقَانِي مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبَةَ ، فَقَالَ : اسْتَهِمَا فِيهِ أَوْ تَسَاهَمَا ، فَجَاءَ زَوْجُهَا ، فَقَالَ : مَنْ يُحَاقِّنِي فِي وَلَدِي ؟ فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ ﷺ : يَا غُلامُ ، هَذَا أَبُوكَ ، وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، خُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا ش
  • السنن الكبرى للبيهقي (14484)هَذَا أَبُوكَ ، وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ
  • السنن الكبرى للنسائي (5492)زَوْجِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَذْهَبَ بِابْنِي ، وَقَدْ نَفَعَنِي وَسَقَانِي مِنْ بِئْرِ أَبِي عِنَبَةَ ، فَجَاءَ زَوْجُهَا ، وَقَالَ : مَنْ يُخَاصِمُنِي فِي ابْنِي ؟ ، فَقَالَ : يَا غُلامُ ، هَذَا أَبُوكَ ، وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ، فَأَخَذَ بِيَدِ أُمِّهِ فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ
  • المستدرك على الصحيحين (7089)هَذَا أَبُوكَ ، وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، فَخُذْ بِيَدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ، فَأَخَذَ الْغُلامُ بِيَدِ أُمِّهِ ، فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ
  • مصنف عبد الرزاق (12259)هَذَا أَبُوكَ ، وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، فَخُذْ بِيدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ، فَأَخَذَ بِيدِ أُمِّهِ , فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ
  • مصنف عبد الرزاق (12260)هَذَا أَبُوكَ وَهَذِهِ أُمُّكَ ، فَخُذْ بِيدِ أَيِّهِمَا شِئْتَ ، فَأَخَذَ بِيدِ أُمِّهِ , فَانْطَلَقَتْ بِهِ

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